Let's talk about depression. Something big happened to me about 4 months ago that pushed me over the edge emotionally. We'll call it, "The Event". It left me feeling empty, betrayed, and snacky.
When I'm not feeling good about life or when something depresses me, I want to gorge myself with ice cream and cake. I start feeling like there's no point in trying to take care of myself because I feel so low.
The Event even landed me on anti-depressants. I feel much better now, but I still haven't moved past it. So I feel like crap every now and then because I think about the betrayal and the anger wells up in me. There hasn't been a day since The Event that I haven't thought about it, or imagined the things I'd like to say to the person/people involved in The Event.
But it doesn't help me. When I start thinking about it too much I notice myself eating way more than necessary. I notice myself not going to the gym, not being as active in general, and feeling very short tempered. I don't know what to do to let go of the pain. I've been praying about it, but it's really hard.
I think I can honestly say that I am no longer angry at the person(s) responsible for The Event. But I cannot say I've forgiven them. The Event was terrible, it nearly destroyed my life. It left me feeling like I couldn't trust people, and that I shouldn't help people anymore because they just end up causing drama somehow.
I don't even want to put any specifics on here for fear that the person(s) responsible for The Event will read this and start more drama. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want this to somehow turn into a dramafest and end up with everything going south when I've been working so hard to move on.
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