Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?

I am quite addicted to the weightloss reality television shows out there, and this quote was mentioned to a patient at a weightloss clinic. I know I have heard it before, but it never really sank in until now.

To be honest, no matter how good that cupcake tastes, it is not healthy for me to eat them all of the time. It's not going to make me feel better in the long run. Working out, eating healthy foods and taking care of myself is what will be the most beneficial for my mind and body.

Of course you need to indulge yourself from time to time and enjoy life, but really instant gratification never pays off in the long run and rarely is the most healthy thing to do.

Mike and I had a conversation the other night while watching one of these shows and he asked, "Why are you so afraid to try it Heather, how many of these shows do you have to watch?"

And I didn't have an answer. Part of it is denial. I look at those people and think, "Well I'm not that bad" and look at myself differently. Part of it is laziness. Part of it is being stubborn and not wanting to change my life. Part of it is giving a finger to society for what is declared "beautiful" and loving myself the way I am. And lastly, and probably mostly, I worry I may die tomorrow and I don't want to miss eating that cupcake when I could have had it. Which leads to a giant Catch 22 in my life. I love myself the way I am, but I have to come to terms with the fact that this will kill me if I don't get this under control. I am obese. I am unhealthy. I am slowly killing myself with food.

It makes me bitter too, because watching these shows I see men and women consuming thousands upon thousands of calories and I never eat like that! Of course I have my pig out days, but I never eat five hamburgers from Wendy's. I never consume an entire pizza. I don't eat healthy at all and I don't work out aside from my job, but really? I weigh the same as some of these people? It just doesn't seem fair. And I need to get off that kick. My body is the way it is and it is the weight it is, regardless of how fair it is and regardless of how other people get to eat whatever they want and never gain weight. Unfortunately I am not one of those lucky jerks.

So here it is, I am getting better. I am taking control of my health. I want to join a yoga class and I want to eat better. No more soda, no more fast food and I am going to start working out regularly. No more empty promises. Here we go.

"It takes courage to grow up & become who you really are." - e.e. cummings.